Review - Poolman
Directed by: Chris Pine
Written by: Chris Pine, Ian Golter
Starring: Chris Pine, Annette Bening, Danny DeVito
Running Time: 116 minutes
Rating: 1/5
Picture this. It’s an 80’s pool party. The neon, the bright coloured swim suits; the hair, the blaring music, the drugs, the sunglasses, the LA sunshine. The party going on a full-tilt, everyone’s enjoying themselves, partying the night away…then enter that one guy, ready to make his entrance - the confidence, the effortlessly cool aura, he’s ready to make himself known to the party. The pool is empty. He’s ready to make a splash. A straight-up cannonball.
A dud. No splash. No cheers from the half drunk crowd. No encore from his friends or entourage. He’s met with annoyance and some exasperating sighs.
That’s Chris Pine’s Poolman. A disappointing and excruciating debut from a world wide movie that that usually oozes maximum coolness.
Word has it that this film was conceived out of a off-topic conversation between Chris Pine and director Patty Jenkins, presumably on the set of Wonder Woman 1984. The film centers itself around an off-beat eccentric pool cleaner, Darren Barrenman (Pine, obviously), who finds himself in both a whimscal and nonsensical journey across the bowels of Greater Los Angeles as he unravels a conspiracy that I’m sure, like yourself, no one will really care about.
Pitched as a goofy crime-caper noir heavily inspired by the works of Chinatown and even shades of Inherent Vice; Poolman is a pistache of mishmash ideas that feel half-baked, half-borrowed and half-intelligible. Darren feels like a character that could definitely belongs in an SNL skit, but also, with a stronger script and direction, can evolve into something more nuanced, hilarious and captivating. Darren is case and point, a journeyman, an anxious oddball who simply seeks a better life for the people around him. With outlandish and continual references to Chinatown (over and over and over again) or its central mystery being too weird or strange to completely follow or grasp, it can be argued that maybe this is exactly what Pine was aiming for - a film that is inherently incoherent, strange and even peculiar enough to evoke any sort of emotional catharsis.
Let’s face the facts - maybe this journey is more important than its final destination - let’s argue that the film’s narrative isn’t strong enough to elevate this strange adventure into the heights of its definite inspirations. Though, it is admittedly not strong enough to keep the attention of some of the viewers who had walked out during its world premiere at TIFF. Pine does bring together a rag-tag ensemble of cast and characters that, alone, can force some sort of semi-smile or needless cough/laugh/grunt. Annette Bening and Danny DeVito are Pine’s sidekicks in the film, goofy therapeutical mirrors for Darren to bounce his ideas or conspiracies with; Danny’s dialogue brings some signs of life into this film, even if it’s for a short moment (i.e. Annette & Danny’s first scene together). Everything else just seems fine. An extended SNL skit that has overstayed its welcome and becomes a challenging watch with every joke that misses its mark.
Poolman is a distractingly irritable directorial debut by Chris Pine. It borrows from too many inspiration goldmines for it to distinguish its own identity - this cannonball is a flop; there’s no splash here, just dead in the water.
Sorry.
